I am a homebody, and I moved away from home.
My college was 1.5 miles away from my house.
On weekends, sometimes I walked home - and I didn't even bother to change into sneakers.
I grew up in Grand Rapids, Michigan - I'm talking elementary school, middle school, high school, and college.
I even met my husband in Grand Rapids (shout out to WOOD TV 8 Internships, 10/10 recommend).
Grand Rapids will always be my home - but I'm glad I moved away.
No, not because I was dissatisfied with the growing, glorious murals springing up across the city (ArtPrize, your residue is immaculate).
Not because I didn't delight in the unique boutiques and restaurants.
I left because it was time to leave - I took a job as a news producer in Grand Forks, North Dakota. I got to share a city, a TV station, and eventually, a last name and a news desk with my husband.
Now, we're working on our next move. In fact, we'll probably do quite a bit of moving. In the world of broadcasting, in order to move up, you often make a literal move.
Usually young people in broadcasting kick off their careers in a smaller TV market and bounce across the country until they either:
A) Quit
B) Find a TV market where they could see themselves longterm
But hey, we love each other, we love what we're doing, and the open-ended nature of our address gives us some peace knowing we'll receive opportunities where and when we are needed.
While taking on unfamiliar area codes can be daunting, it helps when you know how to make a place feel a little more like home. Here are my 5 strategies.
****DISCLAIMER****
I believe it's important to acknowledge how my experience (and Mark's experience) with moving has come from a place of privilege.
Our parents helped us pay for our college tuition.
Mark and I have the privilege of focusing on our abilities to assimilate to a new city, because we have not had to face much financial stress.
We are also a straight, white couple - this identity absolutely plays a role in our ability to make an area "feel like home," because we have never faced discrimination or felt unwelcome while searching for an apartment, a church, etc.
This will come through in this blog.
1. Prepare to feel a little panicky.
Just accept that you'll be a little rattled...you know, because being uprooted will do that to ya.
Here's the deal--you have to acknowledge the discomfort before you can make yourself comfortable.
I wanted to impress people with the way I handled my move. I didn't cry, and I didn't show the slightest sign of sadness during our goodbyes (TBH, I prefer an Irish exit).
Now imagine this like it were a movie - we cut to a scene of me alone in my apartment looking at my life crammed into a bunch of boxes. I can almost hear the silence before it fades into melancholic music.
There's something that gnaws at your nerves when you know the second you unpack - it's official - you're starting over.
I pushed away the feelings of discomfort until they let themselves in without knocking...about 3 hours before my first day of work (PERFECT TIMING, AM I RIGHT?)
Of course, this resulted in breaking out, feeling nauseous, and second (and third and fourth and fifth) guessing my outfit until I had no more time to try on any other clothes.
In retrospect, I've learned to lean into the gnawing feelings so I can process them and move through them, instead of shutting them off.
2. Embrace the "newness"
If you want to make a new city feel like home, try finding little things you can fall in love with. It's all about actively seeking out the quirks you can't find anywhere else.
For me, this meant searching Instagram and following some of the bloggers in the area.
This is your chance to capitalize off of Instagram's "Highlight Reel" format.
Think about it - what do people typically splash across their various social media platforms?
Anything cool within their surroundings! We post images of the trendy, expensive, unique, or fabulous things within our reach. TBH, I'm convinced this is one of the greatest factors in the way we plan our trips.
Enter: Influencers of Grand Forks.
I know people love to hate on social media influencers/content creators, but these sparkly humans were my digital tour guides into the uncharted, yet dazzling realms of my new city. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of trendy local restaurants they frequented, and the area boutiques they collaborated with. Such a glorious rabbit hole!
The bloggers gave me an excellent starting point for exploring Grand Forks--before long, I was spotting murals serendipitously, and finding favorite items on local menus.
One of our favorite traditions was a wiener dog race every October in East Grand Forks. Nothing bonds you to a region like doing something you've never done before...like cheering on a bunch of hyper, adorable, tiny-legged puppies dressed in costumes as they raced each other to kick off a beer festival.
The wiener dog race was just one of many events I learned about through working in a newsroom. It has its perks, you know? You're forced to learn as much about your viewing area in as little time as possible. I learned Grand Forks had been devastated by a flood in '97, and rose with resilience. So I visited the flood memorials, and took the time to read the plaques.
I learned Grand Forks basically lives and breathes hockey (I'm serious when I say the children here are hockey pros in training, and as soon as the toddlers take their first steps, they'll be rocking a pair of ice skates within a month). So I went to some hockey games (to be fair, this was purely Mark's idea #SportsAnchorThings).
My friend Wikipedia informed me North Dakota was known for its sunflowers. So I searched for some and found a vast, tall, golden field. Once I celebrated what made my new city unique, I started to fall in love with all the little things it had to offer.
This made me take pride in my new town.
3. Connect to the community
If you tend to be a little more introverted, the idea of putting yourself out there to talk to strangers can be a terrifying or draining feat (trust me, I know).
But forming new friendships is a key part of adjusting to a new area code.
I like to spend time alone. I don't suffer from FOMO, or crave the constant presence of others. However, Mark is a little different, and I'm really thankful he was around to pull me into his plans.
Mark encouraged me to accept invitations and show up for events that were optional. This was totally out of my element.
However, it taught me a valuable lesson: if you want a place to feel like home, you have to leave your apartment every once and a while.
I'm so thankful for the nights I put on a pair of shoes and got drinks with my coworkers - those coworkers became some of my best friends (one of them was even a groomsman in our wedding)!
Some of the nights that started with me rolling my eyes or dragging my feet, dreading a walk through the cold (shout out to North Dakota's signature 30 below winters!) ended as some of the best nights of my life - filled with fond memories and inside jokes and songs and smells that will forever take me back to that particular moment.
Once I stopped bailing or making up excuses for why I couldn't go, I started looking forward to spending time with friends.
I also found comfort connecting with a local church and meeting some wonderful people. It feels so reassuring to know you have people praying for you and feeding you donuts and offering encouragement during difficult times, when you're so far away from family and friends.
4. Take advantage of your chance to "Rebrand"
When I moved, I left behind the box I assumed everyone had put me in - or the one I had stepped into.
This was perhaps one of the most liberating parts of my move.
When you have lived your whole life surrounded by the same people, it's hard to separate who you are from who people expect you to be.
I always wanted to buy a crop top - but the idea of wearing one in public was just not even on the table. This is because I am a people-pleaser, and I get really in my own head. So when I left, I bought a crop top, and I wore it out. It turns out I still do not feel very comfortable wearing a crop top, no matter where I live - but at least I know it's because I don't want to wear them, and not because I'm worried how other people will react.
Everyone in my family hated cats, but I kind of wanted a cat - so I got a cat.
And guess what? It turns out I KIND OF LOVE CATS.
I started applying this "rebranding," to my approach to new skills. I started asking for the things I wanted, instead of just writing about them. This gave me a newfound confidence, and has opened up many new opportunities.
5. Find a rhythm for staying in touch
When you move away, one of the hardest parts is going without seeing your friends and family on a regular basis. That's why it's really important to find a good rhythm of communication with the different people you love.
And it all comes down to this: Long distance friendship is all about being understanding, gracious, and realistic.
Let me get reeeeeallly real with you for a second: unless you are moving somewhere v gorgeous, pleasant, warm, tropical, scenic, or close by your hometown, do not expect many visitors.
*womp, womp, womp* (Is that how you phonetically spell that noise that signifies disappointment?)
As much as I love Grand Forks, North Dakota, it doesn't exactly scream, "SPRING BREAK 2019," and I certainly do not expect my friends or family to spend a vacation (meant to recharge from their own hectic schedules) in dangerously cold conditions.
While I miss my friends, I do not expect them to shell out the money for plane tickets when I am the one who moved away.
Expect different levels of communication between your friends and family members, and know that just because you don't hear from someone every day (or week, or month, etc.) does not mean they do not love you or miss your sparkling presence!
Ultimately it comes down to this: It's all about being gracious and realistic. Know your people, learn their communication styles, learn what they need, and know how to love them from afar. I have a few friends who lean toward more communication, and others who lean toward less, and I like to do what I can to make them feel loved within that balance.
I have learned some friends are hurt when I do not respond within a reasonable timeline, and other friends who I are unfazed by a response sent a week later. Everyone is different, and that is okay!
Well, those are my top 5 strategies for making a new city feel a little more like home!
Take comfort knowing the process of adjusting to a new place doesn't happen over night, and every person assimilates at a different pace!
If you have any follow-up blog requests, feel free to send me a message!
Thanks for reading!
Sincerely,
Kelly
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