If your immediate response to this blog’s title was, "THERE IS JUST NO WAY LONG DISTANCE IS EVEN REMOTELY FUN!"
I don’t blame you.
Long distance relationships require a tremendous amount of effort and intentionality while limiting many of the “fun” aspects of the relationship.
As someone who spent a solid chunk of her dating career in a long distance relationship (#IConqueredDistance), I know it's anything but fun.
It's downright haaaaaaard to nurture a relationship with a human who happens to live outside of your area code. However, in April 2018, I married my person. Now, we share an area code.
And an apartment.
And a room.
And a bed.
So hey, no complaints here.
One of the most challenging parts of long distance (let's call it LD for short) is discontinuing many of the little rituals that hold couples together.
Back when I was in the midst of LD, if Mark had a rough day, I couldn't drop by with a bag of sunflower seeds and a 7-11 Cherry Coke and Mountain Dew Slurpee like I used to (he has an interesting palate - don't @ him).
I couldn't hold his hand in the car. I couldn't steal his french fries during dinner.
Can’t, can’t, can’t.
But you can have a good attitude. I’m no DJ Khaled, but I can tell you that a major key to success in LD is making a creative effort to adapt the relationship to distance. It’s about finding little ways to keep romance, friendship, and fun present in the relationship.
And that's exactly what I'm going to teach you.
I present to you, 5 tips to make long distance [almost] fun.
1. Snail Mail:
One of the best parts of LD is that the mail person brings you more than just bills.
It's magical. There’s something so personal about seeing your name written in your significant other's handwriting, and knowing that (s)he took the time to write you.
I always loved receiving letters from Mark, because I could hear his voice in my head as I read them, and they mean more to me than the emails and text messages that we turn to for the majority of our communication.
Letters are also a great way to reflect on your relationship. During LD, Mark crafted a “letter wall” in his apartment, where he displayed every note I’d ever given him. These letters are physical evidence of special moments from our relationship - preserved in ink.
Mark, being the Type-A human that he is, hung the letters in chronological order, so you could see our story unfolding across his walls—letters saying “thank you for being a good friend,” “thank you for a fun first date,” “congratulations on graduating,” “good luck on the first day at your adult job,” etc.
These letters allowed us to reminisce on the past, and helped us imagine the future letters we'd add to the wall.
2. Netflix ‘n chill Skype:
Watching TV shows and movies together is a great way for couples to share something when they can’t share a city.
Mark and I liked to log onto Skype/FaceTime/Google Hangout, and play comedy shows on Netflix. We'd start the shows at the same time and minimize Skype to a small box in the corner of our screen so that we could see each other’s reactions to the show.
It was the closest we could get to a movie date, and it gave us a cavalry of lines to quote as inside jokes - jokes we still reference to this day.
3. “Candlelit” Skype dates:
Nothing screams romance like a candlelit date! During LD, Mark and I liked to set aside time for "dates." These dates were notttt your average dates. Hence the quotations.
During said "dates," I'd set a candle next to my laptop for some contrived romance, and we'd stay away from conversation topics pertaining to the stresses of work/school.
We'd daydream about the things we looked forward to, like all the songs we'd get to blast in the car together during our next road trip ("Closer" topped the list in the most sincere and least ironic way).
4. Steal a sweatshirt:
I kidnap Mark's sweatshirts on the reg - but during long distance, I took the theft to a whole new level.
When I would visit North Dakota, I would pull a hoodie from his closet, spray it with a little of his cologne, and tuck it into my suitcase.
Once I was back in Michigan, I'd slip into one of his giant hoodies - it was the closest I could get to one of his hugs, and the best cure for that feeling of homesickness that long distance tends to induce.
5. Capture the moments you miss most:
When Mark and I did get to see each other during long distance, we took an obnoxious amount of videos capturing the little moments that we missed most during distance.
I still have those videos saved to my phone!
When we had to spend time apart, I would watch them to help me remember the way he carries me over puddles in the parking lot after it rains. The way he fumbles with his tie before work. The way his face lights up whenever Miguel Cabrera hits a home run.
We would edit those clips into short videos that captured the general personality of our relationship.
It reminded us why we love being a couple, especially on those days where distance is particularly challenging.
The list could go on, but the message is the same: long distance is ROUGH, but effort and creativity go a long way.
While you may not be able to control the distance between you and your significant other, you can control the way you manage the distance—and while there might be miles between you, they don’t have to keep you apart.
And who knows - maybe one day you'll share even more than an area code ;)
Sincerely,
Kelly
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